The past two weeks have been odd. I've been unsettled with a heavy heart. Not the heaviness of discouragement, not of worry, but the soberness that life is serious business. The feeling of not being happy, not being sad. Just being.
Then last week, after talking to a friend on the phone, I felt I had been rude. I didn't know why, but I was detached from the conversation. Not really into it at all. A second conversation with a family member in the next few days went the same. Then it hit me.
My husband had been scheduled for surgery for a torn rotator cuff muscle, and I was not liking it. I wanted this to stop. It invaded my safe little space. Being low on money is not good, feeling poorly is discouraging, but having someone you love at the mercy of others was really eating at me. We've been through things worse than this, but it's been a while....
So, I was quiet, thinking. Then I remembered, we are all at the mercy of God daily. Bad things can happen, good things can happen. God has a plan. And though I didn't like it, I knew that God knew right where we were, and he knew that we were facing surgery with 6 weeks off work- maybe 12, a lengthy healing time, bills to pay, a farm to run, etc. And He was big enough to handle it how and if he chose.
So, I gave it to him...first the money. "Lord you know what we need, please meet our needs as they arise and take us through this time...."
Then my husband, "Lord, please heal him...fix it now." Well, I didn't really pray like that, but I did pray for him to be healed supernaturally if it was His will to show himself strong that way. I prayed for the muscle to be healed, for his arm to regain movement... and asked friends to pray. I knew God could do it, I didn't know if God would do it. After all, I don't know his plan.
I have faith in my Lord. And no matter how things turned out, I would trust him. Over the years, I've learned that even in pain and tears, he loves me.
Today was Ron's surgery. We got up early, got out the door, and to the hospital. He got checked in, worked up and prepped as I followed, watched and waited. Then they took him back. And I went into the bathroom and cried... and prayed. For a second, I remembered praying for healing without surgery. But, now I prayed for well being, etc., and I still believed God was in control. Sometimes it just hurts, trusting in the yet unseen.
A couple hours later, I was called back to meet with the doctor. "Well," he said, "that tear in the rotator cuff we saw on the MRI, wasn't there." (Yay, Lord! That was the BIG deal!) Then he went on to tell about scar tissue from Ron's car accident last year, and inflammation. He told me how he fixed those things and said healing time will be greatly reduced and Ron will have no restrictions of using his arm. He just needs physical therapy often for six weeks.
Tonight we are sitting in our living room, watching the Joplin football team play as a fund raiser for rebuilding the city after that devastating tornado. So many lost loved ones, and we wonder why these hard things happen. Some things are much harder than others, but God is working in the midst of it all. Bad things are not his will, but he can help us. Much good has come from that awful night in Joplin already, and over time, much more good will come from it.
I'm so thankful for his peace, his care, his faithfulness and that he is working his way in his time in the midst of a world wallowing in sin. I'm also very thankful for the power of prayer!